A Game of Cat-And-Mouse
by Some Chinese Guy
Summary: In which Hachiman Hikigaya discovers, to his horror, that he's the mouse.


Hachiman Hikigaya was pressing his back to the wall, eyes closed, evidently fearing for his life.

Yukino Yukinoshita was standing against him, her look cold and calculating, clearly aiming for a vital point to ensure a quick kill.

Yui Yuigahama was stopped in her tracks at the clubroom entrance, having just entered, horrified by the sight of the oncoming tragedy.

Indeed, the murder was inevitable, and the life a man named Hachiman Hikigaya would without a doubt end here. This especially sucked because that Hachiman Hikigaya fellow was me. Doubly so because it wasn't even my fault… Fine, I'm not being completely honest, it _was_ partially my fault...

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

* * *

"Oooh. Did I tell you it's real convenient to watch Hayama-sempai from here?"

Meet Iroha Isshiki.

"No, you didn't." Yukinoshita replied, sounding somewhat unpleasant.

"Actually you did just now." I dryly added. "Your point being?"

"Nooothing at all. But it's super convenient. Like, totally. Oh, look, they've done the warm-ups!"

Iroha Isshiki was hanging in our clubroom like it was a normal thing to do.

"Why do we need to know?.."

Iroha Isshiki also blatantly used our clubroom to watch Hayama.

"A-anyway, Iroha-chan, how's the Student Council going?" That's Yuigahama, doing her best to keep Isshiki at bay. I couldn't help but commend her.

Isshiki thoughtfully sipped some tea from her cup, then put her finger on her chin.

"As usual. Ah, you think I'm slacking off? I have just given the directions to the vice-presidents, so nothing for me to do now. You know, the President steps in only when the situation is toast. I'm just being effective. See? I'm tootally effective!" She puffed her chest as if waiting for a praise.

True, she was becoming effective. In many ways than one. That honestly scared me.

"Don't you have the football club to manage?"

"I have another hour and a half before they finish. And what's with these questions? Senpai… Am I a bother?"

She leaned to me a performed a perfect puppy-dog stare. The girls frowned simultaneously.

Getting them irritated was also a noticeable deed of Iroha Isshiki. Mutlitasking taken to the extreme.

I released a monster and for that I could blame only myself.

"Isshiki-san, isn't it your time to leave?" Yukinoshita finally asked while adding as much ice to her voice is possible. Which was a fair amount, her being resident Ice Queen and all.

Isshiki in turn made a surprised face.

"Eeeh, really?"

"Really." I replied, sensing where it all was going.

"Senpaaai, why are you chasing me off all of a sudden?"

"You heard the Club President. I can't change her mind."

More like I don't want to even try. Guess who will deal with the resulting mess afterwards. No, seriously, guess.

Isshiki once again eyed me, Yukinoshita and Yuigahama, in that order.

"That so… Okay."

She finally drank the rest of her tea, stood up and headed for the exit, but at the door turned one last time and winked to me.

I blinked twice and instinctively checked the girls.

"Iroha-chan..." Yuigahama pouted.

Yukinoshita wore gloomy expression and sent me the Look. Any decent law-abiding flower in my place would have taken the hint and withered at once. I wish I was the decent and law-abiding flower. Life would've been easier, if slightly shorter.

Time to reflect on the possible solutions to defuse the situation. We here at the Service Club knew the correct method to do so. That is, shove my nose into the book until I get the right idea.

Silence and peace reigned in the room once more. I read on. Yuigahama typed something on her phone with a troubled expression. Yukinoshita fumbled with the tea set. By the order and intensity of various clinks and clanks I could deduce she was still irritated. I wondered if I could write a thesis like "The Correlation Between the Sound of the Tableware Being Fumbled With and the Fumbler's Mood". And whether anyone would ever be interested in that topic. Or even whether the word "fumbler" actually existed at all.

In other words: the solution wasn't coming anytime soon.

"Sorry, Hina's calling. " Yuigahama suddenly announced. "Will be back real quick."

"Sure."

"Okay."

With that she left.

We were left on our own.

Yukinoshita finished cleaning the tea set, sat down, took her book and now was thoroughly reading it. She too knew the power of reading while all hell broke loose around us.

Time moved on.

"How did it even end up like this?" Yukinoshita suddenly asked.

I raised my brows.

"What did?"

She made a displeased sigh.

"I mean Isshiki-san coming here."

"Could it be that she likes your tea?" In retrospect this was the lamest joke I have ever uttered. My middle-school attempts at being funny paled in comparison.

Yukinoshita frowned.

"Flattery will get you nowhere, Hikigaya-kun."

_Figures._

She got up and walked to my seat with her arms crossed.

"I seriously recommend you to regulate her presence in our clubroom."

"Huh? Why is that? Then again, why me?"

"She is your protégé, is she not?"

"I know that." Now I was irked too. What the hell. "Still, why regulate?"

Her stare now was full of quiet wrath.

"Because she clearly is disrupting the normal working atmosphere in our clubroom. I could tolerate her taking you for the Student Council-related tasks, I could tolerate her openly coming on to you in plain sight, I could even tolerate her asking for advice regarding Hayama-kun, but this is going too far."

She was saying all this without a single pause with the increasing speed.

"Exactly what did she ever do to you so that you are apparently indebted to her so much? This really goes beyond triggering your big brother instinct, this is just pampering her without any reason..."

I knew that state of hers all right. The "I-won't-tell-you-why-I'm-angry-but-will-cover-it-with-thousand-words" state.

_My god so annoying._

"I hereby declare that I do not approve of this behaviour at all..."

All of us had a similar situation in our childhood. Suddenly you just kick the football into the neighbors' window. And then your parents demand you explain yourself and you can't do it. Even after both your ears are twitched to the point of numbness. The thing is, kids frequently operate on spurs and whims instead of logic and common sense. As it turns out, even relatively adult people can do the same.

Yes. Spur. That was the rough estimation of what happened.

And what happened is that I just stood up, outstretched my hand, reached for that teasingly stray strand of hair on Yukinoshita's head and tugged it.

"... And you must absolutely stop- Ah!"

Yukinoshita stared at me wide-eyed. I did the same while slowly relocating my hand back and trying to process the situation. I succeed at the former and failed miserably at the latter. There simply weren't any reasons for me to do what I just did. Go on, twitch my ears all you want now.

Some part of my brain advised I just slowly return to my seat and pretend nothing happened. No other options were presented. I had no choice but to settle on that one.

I slowly backpedaled, Yukinoshita's eyes constantly tracking me all the time. It mindlessly registered in my head that she squinted, and the look in her eyes became more composed. Like she was calculating something. The best comparison probably would be of a cat estimating the distance to target-

In a blink of an eye Yukinoshita regrouped herself and _pounced_.

I was lucky I was looking at her all this time, otherwise I'd probably be gone for good. Instead I managed to sidestep to the right. A gust of wind whirled at my left cheek along with the faint mint aroma, making me dizzy. Who needs irritant gas when the girls' shampoo bails you out even better? I reflectively turned my head and saw Yukinoshita elegantly skid to a stop, turn on her toes and quickly lock on me again. Her eyes were cold, yet furious, with a dash of excitement. Eyes of an agitated huntress.

I suddenly realized what all those poor mice felt. Fear not, my dear mice, for Hachiman-kun will join you all in Heaven-

_Pounce!_

This time I was wise enough to cross the desk in just two leaps. Now I had at least some sort of cover.

Or so I thought.

Next moment Yukinoshita took two quick steps to the desk and flawlessly hopped over it, almost blinding me with the most dazzling shade of navy green I've ever seen in my life. That cost me a precious second, and her hands were almost reaching me when I ducked and dodged to the right yet again.

This time she was considerably slower.

She has low stamina, I suddenly remembered. Maybe if I keep exhausting her…

I thought of a smart tactical move. All I needed is some space for maneuver, which would be just couple of meters behind me-

My foot stumbled upon my own chair and I tumbled, falling back and hitting the wall behind. Yukinoshita didn't even jump this time. She knew there was no reason to hurry. She simply made three firm steps towards me, and in her beautiful cerulean eyes I saw my fate…

I decided to just close mine and wait for the angel to take me.

And soon enough I heard the angel's voice. The voice spoke thus:

"... Guys? What are you doing?"

Except the voice belonged to Yui Yuigahama.

Yukinoshita threw a vexed glance at her out of the corner of her eye. Then she slowly switched her combat stance into normal standing position. Her face regained the usual coldly composed look.

"Nothing, Yuigahama-san."

Yukinoshita returned to her seat and fetched the book as if nothing happened. Yuigahama looked at us in surprise.

"Y-Yukinon? Did Hikki do anything?.."

"Not really, no."

"T-then why?.."

"No particular reason, Yuigahama-san." Yukinoshita insisted.

"Oh, o-okay then..."

Silence fell.

I suddenly felt my throat dry.

"Be right back."

When in doubt, go buy some drinks. That too was what Service Club had taught me.

* * *

It was around the time I was returning from the vending machines that the reality of the situation decided to fully dawn on me.

I just made Yukinoshita angry.

She will hold the grudge. After all, she's just the type.

I somehow have to very profoundly apologize.

Screw the exams. _This _was what my home library, my Japanese literature curriculum and my paid summer courses prepared me for. I fully understood that now.

The time has come to test my skills in a real life-or-death situation.

And so I dragged my feet to the clubroom while thinking of how many words I should say, what words in which order I had to use and the perfect timings to insert the bows.

By the time I put my hand on the doorknob I finally composed the perfect apology speech.

_Now or never._

I opened the door and inhaled the air only to discover several things.

First: the seat near the window was empty.

Second: Yuigahama wore a really weird expression and was staring somewhere to the left of me.

Third: felines' preferred way of hunting was ambushes and me of all people should not have forgotten that-

"OW!"

Fourth: being tugged by the hair really hurt.

Upon hearing my pathetic yelp Yukinoshita put her hand off my hair, said "hmpf!" and walked to her seat with a straight back and chin held up. I could almost see her tail flicking once to the side.

"I'll let you get away with just this," She said, sitting down and taking her book. "If only for appreciating my tea."

Yuigahama finally burst out laughing.

And so Yukino Yukinoshita read her book with her lips slightly upturned, Yui Yuigahama unceremoniously laughed face-first into the desk and I just stood dumbfounded at the entrance. After some time I made a tired sigh and walked to my seat, realizing I was smiling too.

All was right with the world again.

_A/N: Yet another silly idea I spent five months writing. That surely says something about me._


End file.
